Pain
by Brachel
Summary: Sometimes I wish for my old life back, to be able to start over, have all the money, the friends, and the girls. But..then I would have to trade all of the memories I made with he one woman I had ever been in love with. D&H M for later chapters.
1. Dares

A/N/ New story! Yay! I hope you guys enjoy this one. Remember, reviews are loved. Rated M for later chapters.

Setting/ This story is in the point of view of a twenty-one-year-old Draco Malfoy. By this time if life as become a pure hell and he prefers to live in the past. This is his recollection of how he fell in love with the most unlikely of people AND how he lost her.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters the only thing that is mine is the story.

I never saw myself as the type of person to fal in love. I was always a live for the moment kind of person. For most people, relationships give them meaning, definition of life. Relationships are for lonely people, and I was anything but.

I had money, I had friends, but most importantly I had power. This however meant that most of my friends were not real friends. They were just trying to stay in my good graces for whenever I did expand my net of influence. Of course at that time I still had the world at my fingertips and never cared about being used for my wealth.

I never saw my wealth, influence, or my good looks as a blessing, but a right. So of course I took it all for granted and now, as an adult I regret it. My home was taken, assets frozen, and friends either dead or serving a life sentence if Azkaban. My looks too are less than before. My hair has lost its sheen and my eyes dull. A result of the seemingly endless trials and verbal abuse I have suffered since I was seventeen.

Sometimes I wish for my old life back, to be able to start over, have all the money, the friends, and the girls. But..then I would have to trade all of the memories I made with he one woman I had ever been in love with. I could never go back to tormenting her and calling her things like mudblood.

I'm sure this is all pretty confusing, so allow me to relive those memories, as I have done in so many of my dreams. The only difference being that I will also recall the bad times for the sake of your understanding.

Although the whole wizarding world has now made massive changes, the change for me started much earlier. The first of my changes happened way back when I was thirteen, and got punched in the face by a certain muggle-born witch. The respect I gained for her after that one act of retaliation, set the stage for the feelings I would develop just a few years later when I was sixteen.

The new school year had just begun, and my friends and I were discussing how we spent our holiday. "So gentlemen," I leaned back into the leather armchair. "Have any good hook-ups over the holiday?"

"I had myself a nice one while my family was is Spain." Blaise absentmindedly pulled on a hangnail on his left index finger. "Those salsa lessons really work wonders you know."

"And let me guess. " Crabbe's voice came from the sofa in the corner " Draco was in France getting cozy with some floozie while PAnsy was spending her summer at home writing him letters."

I stared at him. "Yeah, so?"

He looked at me like I was insane. " So, Pansy is hot. And she is so into you."

"Yeah, well I'm not into her." I considered for a moment "She is a good shag though."

"She deserves better, Malfoy."

I scoffed "Then you can have her. Show her what she deserves."

Blaise chuckled "She only has eyes for you Draco. Besides, Crabbe is disgusting."

Goyal couldn't help but to laugh at his friends expense, earning him a glare of lethal intent. "Even if she couldn't stand me, " I started "I could still get in her pants." This earned me a matching glare. "I can have any girl I want. All I have to do is put on the charm and flash her a smile."

Crabbe saw an opportunity to call my bluff. " What about Granger?"

For a moment there was a stunned silence then came an outburst of laughter. Blaise and Goyal could not control their amusement and Crabbe just settled further back into the sofa with a smug smirk plastered on his face.

Blaise collected himself. "He's got you there my friend.

I of course didn't find this the least bit amusing. "I sais any girl I wanted. Why would I ever chase after Granger? She is a Gryifindor AND a mudblood."

"You're just saying that because you know you can't have her." Crabbes smirk was rapidly becoming more annoying.

"No, its because she would be a complete waste of time."

Blaise was the one t respond. "Why don't you prove him wrong?"

The suggestion was possibly the most shocking thing I ever heard. I couldn't fathom sleeping with her. "What?"

"He will never let it go if you don't."

"Hello! Mudblood. One, its gross and two my father would kill me." I counted on my right hand.

"Only if he were to find out."

"Have you lost your mind? Even if it wasn't Granger I don't have time. The Dark Lord's orders are my priority."

"You have your whole life to do his bidding. You only have a few years of school left, You may as well have fun with it."

"Are you forgetting that I hate Granger?"

"That makes it all the better. Nothing could hurt a virgin, even Granger, more than taking her virtue then dropping her. Trust me I know."

"I think I'd rather strangle her." The thought made me grin.

"You can do that later. I'm sure the Dark Lord wouldn't mind one less mudblood in the world."

Crabbe who was quiet until now spoke up. " I betcha he can't do it."

That was the push I needed. The competitive monster reared its ugly head. "You are so on, Crabbe! I can have any girl, even Granger."

So that was how my romance started. With a bet and a desire to cause pain. Let me make something clear, I am not proud of the tings I did when I was young or how things started. But I don't regret the relationship. Even if we were both caused pain in the end. The truth is that I changed. I grew into a better person because of Hermione and for that I will always love her.


	2. Partners

**A/N: Here you go. Chapter two. Reviews and constructive crasisam are loved. Enjoy.**

I spent that night trying to think of ways to make Granger like me, or at least not hate me long enough to get her into bed. Ii the end, I just went to bed frustrated and hoping something would come to me later. Sadly, morning did not promise to bring me any relief. In fact it was the exact opposite. After staying up late the night before, I overslept. When I woke it was to find that it was already Nine O' clock. Breakfast was now over and students would be shuffling to their first class.

I flung back the covers and attempted to scramble out of bed only to get my legs tangled as I tumbled to the floor. Muttering obscenities under my breath I climbed for my feet and rushed to the bathroom. There I quickly showered, dressed and hurried on to my first class with my hair still dripping.

I slowed from a run to a brisk walk as I approached the potions classroom. Pausing outside the door to dry my hair with a spell. As I pushed open the door it made a long drawn out creaking noise as if to emphasize my tardiness. As I stepped inside I came face-to-face with a round balding old man I assumed to be Professor Horace Slughorn, the replacement for Professor Snape.

"Mr. Malfoy I presume." He addressed me.

"Yes sir."

"I can already tell you are going as troublesome as your father." He shook his head. "Not only are you late, but you also seem to be very unprepared. No text book, not even parchment or quills."

_Shit! I forgot all about my supplies. _I mentally cursed myself again for oversleeping.

"It seems I am going to have to keep an eye one you." He paused for a moment and turned to address the class, meanwhile I glanced over to see Potter and Weasley smirking from across the room. _How I'd love to curse the two of them. _I know I already assigned the partners you would have for the year, but it seems that for Mr. Malfoy's sake a change is in order. " He glanced at his chart. "Miss. Granger."

A curly mass of hair popped up in the front of the room. "Yes Professor?"

"I think you will do a fine job of keeping Mr. Malfoy in check."

She looked disappointed. "Yes sir."

He looked back to me. "Well there you have it. Go take your seat next to miss Granger."

As I made my way across the room I couldn't help but think of how lucky I had just gotten. Maybe I could do this after all. But then, I though about the llok on her face, she should have been ecstatic about being my partner, a mudblood like that should know that I deserve respect. I'd have to teach her a lesson later, but for now I buried my rage and told myself to be polite.

As I took my seat next to her I smiled and said, "I can see why he paired us together." She barley glanced at me before turning back to Slughorn. _Filthy thing should look at me when I am speaking to her_. "You are a model student. Everyone says so."

She sighed and turned to me. "Look, I don't like you and you don't like me," _How could I ever? _I thought. "no need to be nice to me to get a good grade. You'll get one either way."

It was hard to maintain a clam face. "I'd like to help you." I gave her a smile.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes." Please spare me your sweet talk, Malfoy. Its wasted on me anyway. I'm not going to jepordize my own grade just to mess with yours."

"Id like to earn my grade, if you don't mind."

"Do I really look that stupid?"

_Yes._

Her eyes bore into mine. Oddly, I didn't mind it so much. They were a pretty chocolate brown framed by luxurious long lashes. Aperently I was distracted just a moment too long because I heard her sigh again.

"Fine. It couldn't hurt." She opened up her book and pushed it between us so I could read as well.

"Potions is my best won't regret it Granger. "

"Uh huh, sure." Was her only answer.

We spent the rest of the class with our heads bent over her book compiling lists of ingredients we needed to collect. When the class ended she gathered her things and starting stuffing them in her bag. "What ingredients should I get?" I asked.

"I got it under control. Thanks anyway." She swung her bag over her shoulder and before I could protest already joined Potter and Weasly. I moved closer, trying to blend in with the crowd heading for the door.

"Too bad getting stuck with Malfoy." Weasly seemed more amused than sorry.

"Shut up, Ron." Potter glared at his friend. "You okay, Herminone? He hasn't said anything to upset you has he?"

"No I'm okay. And at least he is willing to carry more weight than Ron would."

Potter laughed at this while Weasly just scowled. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Potter answered. "Easy you're lazy." Granger joined in the laughter as the three of them left the room.

"Draco!" I heard a voice calling from behind me. I turned to see none other than Pansy running towards me. I was dreading our reunion all summer, or more dreading her questions, but all the same I put on a smile and went to meet her.

She threw her arms around me enthusiastically. "Hi, Draco. I missed you."

I returned the embrace. "I missed you too." _A lie. _

She pulled away and her smile turned to a frown. "If you missed me so much then why didn't you return any of my owls?"

"I'm sorry. I spent the holiday sight-seeing with my father. I lost track of time." I lied again.

"Well...okay." She put her hands on her hips. "But next time at least send me one owl."

"You got it." I wrapped an arm around her waist and we left the classroom together. Once outside I informed her that I had to go get my books.

"I'll go with you. " She said.

_Can't you just leave me alone you clinging bitch? If I find myself in need of a shag, I'll tell you. _I thought to myself but what I told her was very different. " I'd love some company. Especially yours. "

As we made our way back to the dormitory, not a long walk from the potions room thank goodness, she chattered on about how her holiday went. I just smiled and nodded, pretending to listen. Then she mentioned Granger.

"Rotten luck being paired with mudblood Granger." Her nose wrinkled with a discussed look. "You are so much better than that. Stupid Slunghorn has no idea what a mistake me made."

_At least it kept me from being pared with you._ "No, I don't think so. She is a know-it-all, which of course just makes her even more of a nuisense, but at least she will get me a good grade."

She looked at me like I was insane. "You don't need her to get good marks. You are brilliant on your own. Don't tell me you are starting to believe otherwise."

"Of course not!" I pulled away from her and folded my arms." I know I'm brilliant, my marks already show that. The only reason I am not though of as the brightest in our year is because Granger is such a kiss up. But the point I'm trying to make is that this time I can get good marks and not have to lift a finger."

She smiled. "Perhaps silly little virgin mudbloods like her aren't so worthless after all." She pressed her chest against mine. " All girls like her know how to do is school work. I however, can think of a better way to spend my time."

_At least she can make use of her brain. I'm sure she isn't as usefully in the sac though_. I grinned, wrapping my arms around her waist. "And what would that be?"

"Showing my boyfriend how much I missed him." She ground her hips against mine.

"I would love to witness all of that built up sexual aggression." I could feel myself getting turned on.

She grinned and took my hand. "Lets go find someplace a little more private then shall we?"

**oooo**

When lunch came I was so relieved. It had been a very strange day. I'd overslept, I'd been scolded, insulted, turned on, and shaged. I laughed inwardly. _And the day is only half finished. _I sank into my seat with a sigh.

Blaise looked over to me and talking around a mouthful of food asked. "Rough day?"

"Yeah." I started scooping food onto my plate.

"Heard you got paired with Granger in potions, shag yet?"

"Its only been one day! I may have game but I can't work miracles."

He took another bite and muttered something inaudible while spitting crumbs onto the table.

This made me laugh. " You have no class you know that?"

He swallowed and said, "We have been friends since we were babies and you've been telling me that since you were old enough to understand what it meant. How could I not know?"

I smiled. "Just making sure."

I can't say for sure, but I think that was the day I realized Blaise was one of my true friends. Looking back on it now it should have been obvious. He was there when we were young, before we could could understand the influence our fathers had, and he wad there sporting every stupid thing I did. He even became a deatheater with me, and knowing it was not something he believed in I allowed him to do it. Some friend I was. I'm still trying to make that up to him.


	3. Head Games

**A/N: Here is chapter three. I'm really getting into this story. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

The next day began much the same. Although I was not penalized for waking up late, thank goodness for Saturdays. It was the first time the first day of classes fell on a Friday. It allowed me to get a jump start on the task the Dark Lord had given me. So, the whole day was spent in the library.

I got up and went about my morning routine as usual, although I choose to skip breakfast. I just wasn't hungry, hardly ever was these days. I was developing nausea as well. The thought of the task I had would make me stomach turn. Even though I had no clue how I would kill Dumbledore, I knew I had to do it anyway. For my mother's sake.

I didn't know how I would kill him, but I did know how to get my cover inside. A magical cupboard. Used by deatheaters back in the day it could transport you from one cupboard to the next without the aurors ever knowing you were there. I found one outside the school now i just needed one on the inside. One that worked. Easier said than done.

These were just a few of the many thoughts running trough my head as I searched the library's shelves. They were so bothersome that I didn't notice the person sitting on the floor until it was too late.

I tripped and tumbled forward, managing to hi my head on the stone floor. "What the hell?" I exclaimed. Under me something started to move. It was then that I realized it was a person who I had fallen over. ""Why are you on the damn floor?" I fumed. "Haven't you ever heard of a table?"

Whoever It was crawled out from under me as I stood up. "I'm sorry. I just get so into my books that I sometimes forget where I am." A pause. "Oh, its just you, Malfoy."

I stopped brushing the dust from my robes and looked up. "Granger!" I bent and picked up the book she was reading. "Sorry, that was rude of me to say."

She scrutinized me. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because we are study partners." I lied as I handed her the book.

"That doesn't explain why right now." She folded her arms over the book, holding it to her chest.

"You would prefer I be mean to you?"

"Well, no. Not exactly." Her shoes had just become the most interesting thing in the world. "Look, I just have too much on my mind right now and your head games are not helping."

"Head games me?" I faked a hurt look. "I would never do such a thing."

She put the book back on the shelf and turned back to me. "Oh, please. A cocky ferret like you gets nothing but joy out of the torment of others."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I can be a bully, but there is more to me than you know."

"More than I will ever care to know." she pulled out her wand, "Acio, History of Magical Objects." A rather large leather-bound volume floated down from a shelf just out of reach.

"So what kind of objects are you researching?" I asked as the book fell into her waiting arms.

"I don't think that is really any of your concern, Malfoy." She headed out of the seemingly endless maze of shelves and took a seat at an empty table.

"Maybe I can help." I sat down across from her. "I was raised around them after all. And there are some that I find very fascinating."

"One of those things I didn't know?" She open the book to the first page.

"Yes, actually." All of the information having been learned while learning about the cupboard,of course.

A group of Gryifindor girls walked by, staring and whispering as they passed. Granger maneuvered her book to hide her face. "Do I embarrass you?"

"To be frank, yes you do."

"And why, may I ask, is that?"

She still hid her face from vein. "Because I'm a Gryifindor and you are a Slyitherin."

I leaned across the table, causing the legs of my chair to make a scraping sound on the stone floor. This in turn made her jump. She must have been expecting me to lash out at her, but instead I just pulled the book down so she would look me in the eyes. " You never struck me as the type to buy into stereotypes so easily."

She just stared back out me. She was such a knockout. Those eyes looking like they could see into the essence of my soul. Worse was that I was close enough to smell her perfume. Vanilla and honey. My pants were growing increasingly uncomfortable with every moment I spent this close to her. "You're too smart for that."

She blushed and, just for a moment, looked like she didn't hate me, but then she said. " Surely you had another reason for coming to the library than just to hit on me."

"Actually, I did. " I settled back into my chair. "Seeing you was a nice bonus though."

She laughed. "That cocky ferret disappeared for a minute there."

I grinned. "See? I told you there was more to me."

"Still don't want to know it though." She was mocking me.

"You never know, you might change your mind." I pushed back my chair and stood up, intending to return to my research. But before I did, I had to try one more thing. "I still want to earn my grade, and that starts with those ingredients."

"Fine." She sighed. "Tomorrow. Four O' clock. The Great Hall."

I nodded. "I'll be there."


End file.
